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skin deep by `imperfect:iconimperfect:





When the clock waltzes with time
when it tocks and ticks
and chimes,
when it flutters this a-way
and this way stays fine

That’s when it stops

when the wind steps aside
when the moon holds the tide
in a fine night embrace,
when there is no haste, no rush
no constraints

That’s when it starts

when the liberty doves bless hearts
when the stars hold hands
to chart and harmonise time
that’s when it starts

when you touch me
with adoring words
and eyes, oh
for those eyes i will tie knots in my world,
knots that tether not and will not
not now and then not
and i trust that as i trust you,
through all else i will trust you
as i trust this beating heart.

Can you hear that beating?
Can you hear the sound?

And when i look up i can see
your face cherishing me,
and i am not afraid
i will not be afraid
i will no longer be afraid
of these heights

look down; admire the view

from our sky lit room
you show me our moon
is one and the same
and that there is no shame
in watching it shine
whilst wondering
if you watch it too

with thoughts  
of early morning sighs
that don’t only lead
to the highs of our days, but to a closeness
only explained as a blessing of fate

and as the weather whips between us
we fabricate a world of nothing
but us, and i

stop

to contemplate
my worth in my world
where the worst is easier to bear
than the best,
where past sins stopped happiness getting in
and kept me the victim

being damaged kept me safe

but you have shown me a better place,
lifted my head and opened my eyes

i believe you will leave, still
last night
i felt

beautiful.
©2004-2009 `imperfect
:iconimperfect:

Author's Comments

I started this two months ago and it needed finishing.

I dislike the ending.

Please note: This piece is punctuated to assist reading.

Audio here >> [link]

As always criticism welcome.

Critiques


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:iconinmyroom:
why do you dislike the ending?

it's a beautiful poem.. my fav line is 'being damaged kept me safe'
:iconimperfect:
I dislike the ending because it lacks hope. She knows he will leave her, in the end.

Thank you for the comment :)

--
You may see a silly fop & a worshipful justice, a griping rook & a grave citizen, a worthy lawyer & an errant pickpocket, a reverend non-conformist & a canting mountebank, all blended together to compose a medley of impertinence -- at the * Coffeehouse
:iconmadeofmakebelieve:
I put this on *g33k-ch1k, but this works too.
I think I like this because it reminds me of something,
someone, somewhere that made my heart shiver.
While I was listening to this: I cut in and out
and I felt some of it more than others.
Not in a way that it moved me,
but more so it was me.
I'm not the best person to comment on the technical stuff just yet,
so until I delve deeper into that I can only tell you how it made me feel.

Or something.

--
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. - Oscar Wilde.
:iconcaffin8ed:
Much worth the two months of working on it. This is honestly one of the best poems I've ever read.
I don't know if that's a compliment to you, or a putdown to me, and my lack of good, previously read poetry. :shrug:

It's often that I will read a poem, and once I get to the end, still not have a clue as to what the writer was trying to say.
Yes, the words may be woven together in a pretty fashion to sound good in my head, but still, no meaning.

As with what MadeOfMakeBelieve said I feel the same way. It does remind me of something, someone...

Listening to the audio of this was great, but it do see what you mean about the end. It seems a bit abrupt to me, but still it works. :)
:iconsisterjanet:
Reading this, it sounded like "Bells" by Edgar Allen Poe in my head. I listened to the audio provided and the impression remains the same. Also, the poem itself, aside from the sound of it, is beautiful and sad. I like it a lot, and it fits well with things I've been thinking of lately.
:iconimperfect:
i'm glad it touched you :)

--
You may see a silly fop & a worshipful justice, a griping rook & a grave citizen, a worthy lawyer & an errant pickpocket, a reverend non-conformist & a canting mountebank, all blended together to compose a medley of impertinence -- at the * Coffeehouse
:iconimperfect:
I ted to write poetry very quickly, but with this piece i lost my muse just the the last two stanzas and it took me a long time to get her back.

This is probably why i don';t like the end :( I agree it's too abrupt and out of tune with the overall message but, i needed to finish it.

Thank you for you comment and i'm glad you liked it.

--
You may see a silly fop & a worshipful justice, a griping rook & a grave citizen, a worthy lawyer & an errant pickpocket, a reverend non-conformist & a canting mountebank, all blended together to compose a medley of impertinence -- at the * Coffeehouse
:iconareincarnation:
i like this a lot...

though i dislike the ending.. it is too sad.. i think it helps make the poem

--
many cry for the dolphin, trapped in fishing nets.

but who cries for the tuna?
:iconnosugarjustanger:
I love the ending... the style you write.... you know im a sucker for poets and poetess, so you know, im gonna watch you... thanks for making your presence felt in my journal... <3

--
Fueled by :beer: :beer: :beer:.

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November 12, 2004
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